Was it something I said?
Updated: May 11, 2020
First, I want to start this by saying I hope everyone is safe and healthy. Please practice social distancing, and please monitor our seniors who may be forgotten in all this.
Okay, now that I got that out of the way, let's get down to business. This maybe considered a continuation of the previous blog, Have you been Ghosted.
I named this blog was it something I said for a reason. I believe someone may have tried to ghost me. lol
Where do I begin? I guess I'll start from the beginning. I would say December of 2019. Christmas is coming. Oh, how I hate the pressure of Christmas. If you're dating someone, it's difficult enough to pick out the right gift. How much do you spend? Depends on how long you've been dating, right? You don't want to spend too much, and you don't want to look cheap either. But what happens if you're dating, but not officially dating, then what? What do you do? Well, I was in that predicament. I went back and forth. What to get, how much do I spend? And one night, it just came to me. I saw the light. He had been telling me about his favorite artist, so the next day I Googled him. While I couldn't afford to purchase a print, I decided I would create some artwork inspired by him. It took me a few days, but once it was done, it came out beautiful. I was even surprised by how good it came out. I had shown some of my friends the picture and they went crazy for it. Anyway, back to the story, the weekend after Christmas we got together and exchanged gifts. I had such anxiety over this. Would he like it? Appreciate the gesture? I had no idea. So, we went out to eat. When we came back I gave him his gift. He looked like he was surprised and happy by what he got. Then it was time for him to give me mine. First he gave me a box. It was in a big box. My heart sank because I had a feeling no good was going to come from that box. Then I opened the box...... it was an electronic crock pot. LMAO!!! Yes, you read this correctly, an electronic crock pot. I looked at him, then I looked at the crock pot, I looked at him and I looked at the crock pot again. I shook my head in disbelief. THEN he gave me a card.... The card was a mishmash of emotions. It was all over the place. It was like he dipped his toes in a pond of emotions only to realized his mistake and took his toes right out. I am not kidding, that's how the card read. And he signed it sincerely. SINCERELY!!! LMAO. And thats exactly what I did, LAUGHED MY ASS OFF. I laughed so hard, that I couldn't stop laughing. I mean I laughed for 15 mins straight. I couldn't hold it in. I couldn't hide it. Every time he asked me what was so funny, I'd start laughing all over again.
Eventually I did regained my composure. Once I did, I asked him about the sincerely part. He said, "I sincerely mean it". LOL. I did laugh again, but not because it was funny but because it was sad. I told him that I have received warmer closings of letters from Citibank and Discover. I then said that TD Bank must was really like me because they write that to me all the time.
After that night, I emotionally checked out. Prior to that, I used to text every morning. Well, I stopped doing that. I used to respond right away to texts, I stopped that as well. WHY? Why not? Everything I needed to know was in that card, sincerely. I decided to make a hashtag #sincerely and I think I may make t-shirts that say that as well.
He continued to call, and we would speak. We did hangout a few more times, but it was not the same, as I was not the same. I decided that I would not be available to someone who was not emotionally available. I deserved better.
Fast forward to February. My birthday came and went. He decided to be a no show for a birthday dinner with a few friends and family members. Then the corona virus began to become a reality. Like I previously stated, we were still talking, but things were different. Then March came and the last time we spoke was March 15. I did text him to make sure he and his family were okay. And nothing. All I got was crickets.
So, what does this all mean? Well, I guess he thought the solution was to ghost me, but how can you ghost someone who you were never dating to begin with? What's the sense of ghosting someone when you were never that invested to begin with?
I always thought if anything, we would always have the friendship. I wasn't angry, I just realized that we were just better off as friends. He, on the other hand, thought differently. There are a lot of sayings I could use, like "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink". Or "you have to crawl before you can walk". Sometimes in life, you may feel as though you wasted time with some relationships. I do not feel that way. People come and go for a reason. We learn from every relationship. And with those lessons we move forward and apply that to the next one. What did I learn? I learned that I deserve more. I deserve someone who is NOT afraid to say how they feel. I deserve someone who is all in. I deserve someone who is not afraid to write love in the closing of a letter instead of hiding behind sincerely.
Well, that's all I got, for now. Stay safe!❤️
The picture I created. For inquires about the artwork go to https://www.abstra-art.com/