Have you been Ghosted?
Okay.... this is too funny. Being ghosted. How is this a thing? Better yet, WHY is it a thing? I guess I have been fortunate to NOT have this done to me, unfortunately, for my friend, she has not been so lucky. And this is her story as she is telling her truth .....
My story begins Memorial day weekend, 2014. I was out with my friends, going to our usual spot, a nice waterfront outdoor bar with music and great ambiance. I had been MIA (missing in action) for a while. I had been insecure about my recent weight gain, so I haven't felt like my social self which was unusual as I am quite the social butterfly. The party doesn't start until I get there. That's just who I am. Anyway, back to my story...
I am on the dance flooor when my ex comes up to me to say hello. Yes, I am friendly with my ex’s, well most of them... Back to the story, when my ex walks away, I notice this tall, nice looking guy. While I am still on the dance floor, I see him edging himself closer and closer to where I am and boom there it is, he is standing right in front of me and we start talking. We were inseparable the rest of the night. The conversation was flowing. At the end of the night he drove me home, along with his friends as he was the designated driver. That night we had exchanged numbers.
His back story was that he was going through a divorce. Funny story, my ex, the one I mentioned earlier, had taken me to his best friend's wedding years ago. The groom turned out to be the guy this story is about. His ex wife was my ex's best friend. Talk about coincidence...
Moving on, he had kids, and seemed to be a good father. He was living at his sister's house temporarily while he was going through the divorce. He brought me to his sister's house to confirm his story.
Fast forward, we were dating about 4 months. We always had a great time. We had a lot in common, especially a love for 80's music. In August, he had booked a weekend in AC. On the drive down, it was weird. It was a quiet ride, which was unusual for us. When we got there, I took a Xanax, as I begin to feel a little anxiety after that awkward ride down and him telling me that the last time he was in this hotel was with his ex-wife. After taking Xanax, I started to have a few cocktails. He was sleeping while I was freaking out after his recent truth bomb. I mean, what do you say to that? Did I really need to know that? I thought he was over his ex. I thought I had actually met a nice guy. Someone who had their act together. I thought he had checked all the boxes on my list.
Well, he wakes up from his 2 hour nap. We start to get dressed as we had tickets for a show. Since he took a 2 hour nap, there was no time for us to get dinner. Meanwhile, he had no idea I had kept myself occupied by having cocktails during his nap. He then tells me we can eat at the show. We go downstairs, have MORE drinks, get to the show, and find out htere was no food being served there. By this time I am pretty lit, however, I do hide it well as he STILL has no idea I am drunk. I get up to use the bathroom, and I remeber I was annoyed with him, possibly because of something he said to me. I walk out of the restroom, and he tells me we are leaving. Imagine my surprise, the show had just begun. He starts walking out and I'm following him. I'm trying to figure out what I did and how can I stop this from happening. After all, I am the master manipulator. We get back to the room and he tells me to pack. I tried talking to him, but I'm not sure if I made sense as I had taken Xanax and had several cocktails on an empty stomach. I packed up my stuff and I had all I could do just to keep up with him as we walked to the car. The drive home was MISERABLE. Dead silence. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. It was the worst night of my life. All I kept thinking was what was happening. Where was that nice guy I met 4 months ago? While I admit, taking a Xanax and drinking cocktails while on an empty stomach was not one of my better ideas, I did not think it warranted this type of reaction. I did not deserve to be treated this way. The silence was deafening.
Well, to make a long story short, he dropped me off at my house. He texted me when he got home, like he usually does, and that was it. We are now in 2019, and I STILL have not heard from him... lol . Though I am sure my condition was a contributing factor in our sudden departure from AC, I am sure that was not the only reason. He just became a completely different person. With time, I've learned that there is a term when you do not hear from a person you've dated ever again, while you are under the assumption that you are still dating. That term is called ghost.
Okay, Cat is finally back!
What can we learn from this? Why do guys do this? I have no idea. Of course, to this day, it still bothers her that he ghosted her. Why? No closure. He just left and never gave her a chance to acknowledge the ending of the relationship. Her only recourse was to accept it. A tough pill to swallow. What's my take on it? That's what he wanted, that was his way of punishing her. Whether or not her actions that weekend sealed the deal, in my opinion, were irrelevant. I believe that he was angry, he was angry at his ex-wife. When he told my friend that the last time he was there was with his wife, that sealed the fate of their relationship. I believe that everything he was feeling came to a head that night. I believe that my friend represented a part of his past that he wanted to let go. Let's think about this for a minute. She attended his wedding to his ex-wife. Her ex-boyfriend was his ex-wife's best friend. To many ties to his painful past. To many reminders of his past. I believe he was angry. The last piece of this puzzle was that his ex-wife WANTED the divorce, not him. I believe my friend became his hurt locker. Which was why he ghosted her. A clean cut for him while leaving her with questions, just like when his wife told him their marriage was over.
Let's be real here, ghosting people is the really cruel. Its one-sided. Very selfish. Very final. And hopefully we can all learn something from this. The signs were there, he revealed them that night. My friend did not see them. He showed his true self that night in AC.
I hope you guys enjoyed this story.