• Cat Nieves

I have been contemplating this for awhile. This post maybe the most revealing one yet and in more ways than one.

Recently I've lost 10 lbs. Now, this took awhile. Unfortunately, one of the things they do not tell you is that as you age, it becomes more difficult to loose weight. Awesome.... ☹️ Anyway, back to my post. I did loose the weight. I've been working out like a crazy. Burning 600 calories a day and doing a mixture of free weights, with TRX or battle rope exercises, usually ending with abs. My diet has consisted of oatmeal, either smoothie or turkey sandwich on whole wheat and chicken and brown rice for dinner. I'll throw in a protein bar as well. I'll film my workout one of these days, though I will warn you, it ain't pretty. I'm not a pretty workout chick. I usually look like a hot mess.

As I have taken off the weight, I've noticed a change in my demeanor. I began to feel like my old self. I felt like me, 10yrs ago, and I LOVE it! I thought that version of me was gone forever. I was/am more outgoing, assertive and confident. I was not embarrassed by how I looked in clothes and did not feel the need to add a disclaimer about how I looked in pictures. My clothes are now tailored. No more loose fitting tops, unless I want to wear it vs having to wear it. I feel free from my former version of myself.

Now, how do I celebrate this feat? What I've been doing is taking pics of myself, in lingerie. Nothing crazy, or too much, just sexy. I wanted to feel sexy. I wanted to prove that I was/am sexy. I wanted to prove that to ME. It's funny how we get so busy worrying about things. Especially as we get older, we worry about how we look. Each morning we may see another wrinkle. Feel another ache that we did not feel the night before. And with each wrinkle, each ache, we feel ourselves aging. Like literally feel it. And we think that it defines us. We've all heard this before, that this is the beginning to the end. Well, I'm tired of thinking that way. How about this is a new beginning, a new chapter, and if we think the book is ending, we can start another book. Our story can continue, until we decide to tell a different story.

So, where is this all leading to, you may ask? I've decided to post a few of my pics from the fitting room of myself in lingerie. Not to show off, but to inspire. I will be 50 this year. I do my best to take care of myself. I am happy with the way I look. Not to say there isn't room for improvement as no one is perfect. However, for right now, I am okay with it.

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  • Cat Nieves

Updated: Oct 30, 2019

Hmmm, where to begin. This is an interesting topic. I know many people love color, colorful shirts, dresses, jewelry, accessories, shoes, etc..... I for one, am not a fan. Don't get me wrong, I like color, just not a lot of it.

I have been told that I should wear more color. UGHHH, why? I think I wear color. I wear black, white, blue, tan, and grey. Seriously, isn't that enough? I don't wear floral, I am physically allergic to floral, I mean it will make me ill if I even look at a floral pattern... lol I have one blouse that has a small polka dot print. I have another blouse that has a grid pattern. I have a dress and blazer with pinstripes and a pair of pants with a stripe down the side, and thats it. I wear mostly solids in the colors I have indicated before. I have dresses in different shades of blue, black, and grey. The same can be said for my tops, blazers, and pants.

If I think I need a pop of color, I will use a handbag or shoes for that. So, the question is, why is that not enough?

I think that some wear color to make themselves standout. Now, that's not a bad thing per say, though I do think it is a bad thing when you rely on your clothes to speak for you vs allowing yourself to leave the lasting impression. Have you ever heard the expression that the dress wore her vs she wore the dress. Sometimes clothes overpower us. Whether its the color, style, shape, fit, etc... And sometimes we may have such personalities that it does not matter what we wear, people will be able to see you, the person you are despite the clothes you have on.

I also feel as though sometimes we use color to detract on how we are feeling. Example, maybe someone is feeling sad, depressed so they will wear something bright to counterweight how we are actually feeling?

And the same can really be said for someone like me, who does not have a varied color scheme. Maybe I choose those colors because I do not want to stand out, or maybe I think my personality is too much so the colors I choose to wear will counteract it.... Or maybe, just maybe, I really like those colors because they are always in fashion. If I do not buy a lot of loud colors, or crazy prints, my clothes will not age. I would not have to replace my clothes because they are the color or print of the moment.

Not sure which category I fall under. Possibly all 3? Either way, I will try to be more open to color. No floral though. lol

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  • Cat Nieves

Updated: May 11, 2020

Ladies, remember back in high school when we thought the boys we liked were immature. You had to talk through an intermediary in order to find out if he liked you, the status of your relationship, what you were doing that night, etc, etc....... You would put a note in his locker saying "I like you, do you like me"? Please check the box Yes, No or Maybe.

Funny, how we thought that once we finished high school, things would be different. Those boys would grow up and become men, who are FINALLY able to express themselves. Well, unfortunately, that's not the case. While they do grow up unfortunately they are still immature. They still have difficulties expressing themselves.

When you're in your 20's and 30's you don't focus on their lack of depth, as we ourselves are coming into our own. Once we hit our 40's, I'm not sure what happens but things change. Our expectations grow, and yet we seem to settle for less. We are secure in who we are and where we are going. We know what we want professionally and yet personally, we settle. I'm not talking about settling for someone, I'm talking about settling for what we think are relationships. We try to foul ourselves into thinking it's something, when in all actuality, it's nothing. We think we have the answer. They will eventually see the light. But how long are we willing to wait? What will be the turning point? When will we get the sign that the time has come? What are we waiting for?

I find myself asking these questions today. What am I waiting for? The one thing we know for sure is that we are running out of time. Time does not stop. Each hour of each day, we are getting older. Nothing can stop that.

For me, one year into a relationship, and I use the word "relationship" loosely, I refer to my friend as my "fake boyfriend". We have fake fights, we have fake dates, we have fake moments. Isn't that lovely, a year of complete fakeness. There was a time when this used to be funny, however, its not that funny anymore.

I've confronted my "fake boyfriend" about the status of our fakeness. In one of our fake moments, he was about to profess his feelings for me and I stopped him. Why? Because I didn't want that moment to be fake. If you're going to profess something, it should not be under the influence of alcohol. No liquid courage is allowed when a moment of truth is upon you. You want that moment to be as real as possible because it should be memorable, in a good way.

Anyway, back to my fake story, after that fake date, weeks went by, that moment was never mentioned, never brought up. And it bothered me. It just festered inside of me. Could I be the only one who remembered it? How is that possible? How could he think that would be okay? Why would he want to leave it like that? What is wrong with him?

One day, on one of our fake dates, I asked him about it. He stated that he didn't know what I was talking about, and that infuriated me. I stated that the reason I stopped him that night was because I wanted him to say whatever he was about to profess sober. I then told him if he had something to tell me now is the time to say it. That THIS would be the last time I would bring it up. He told me he had nothing to say. That I was a great friend, one of his closest friends but that he wanted to keep it that way in fear of losing that. I said, okay thats fine. I will never bring it up again.

FF to the summer. We continued our fake dates. Though now our fake dates include fake kisses. Which is fine and dandy, but its still fake. On 9/11, he was flying out for business that day. The night before he called to tell me that I was one of the most important people in his life and that I meant so much to him.... I asked him if he was drinking, HA HA. He said no, that he wanted me to know that. That he had made 3 calls like that and I was one of those calls...

Now we are in October. Still having fake dates with fake kisses. Whats different now? Not much really, other than now other people see our fake relationship. Now people are asking me if WE are in a relationship.... All I can say is no, because thats not fake.

What's the moral to this story? I have no clue. Will this couple have a happy ending? Will the fakeness end? I don't know. I think the bigger question is how long will I be willing to stay fake? Like I said earlier, time does not stand still. Each passing moment I stay and settle, is a moment in time I can not get back. The lines that separates the fakeness from reality is blurred. The fakeness has become a convenient distraction. Is being in a fake relationship better than having nothing? Is being fake a scapegoat from dealing with real feelings? That is something I can not answer at this time.

What I do know is that my FaceBook status has not changed and we are not Instagram official.

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