• Cat Nieves

Okay.... this is too funny. Being ghosted. How is this a thing? Better yet, WHY is it a thing? I guess I have been fortunate to NOT have this done to me, unfortunately, for my friend, she has not been so lucky. And this is her story as she is telling her truth .....

My story begins Memorial day weekend, 2014. I was out with my friends, going to our usual spot, a nice waterfront outdoor bar with music and great ambiance. I had been MIA (missing in action) for a while. I had been insecure about my recent weight gain, so I haven't felt like my social self which was unusual as I am quite the social butterfly. The party doesn't start until I get there. That's just who I am. Anyway, back to my story...

I am on the dance flooor when my ex comes up to me to say hello. Yes, I am friendly with my ex’s, well most of them... Back to the story, when my ex walks away, I notice this tall, nice looking guy. While I am still on the dance floor, I see him edging himself closer and closer to where I am and boom there it is, he is standing right in front of me and we start talking. We were inseparable the rest of the night. The conversation was flowing. At the end of the night he drove me home, along with his friends as he was the designated driver. That night we had exchanged numbers.

His back story was that he was going through a divorce. Funny story, my ex, the one I mentioned earlier, had taken me to his best friend's wedding years ago. The groom turned out to be the guy this story is about. His ex wife was my ex's best friend. Talk about coincidence...

Moving on, he had kids, and seemed to be a good father. He was living at his sister's house temporarily while he was going through the divorce. He brought me to his sister's house to confirm his story.

Fast forward, we were dating about 4 months. We always had a great time. We had a lot in common, especially a love for 80's music. In August, he had booked a weekend in AC. On the drive down, it was weird. It was a quiet ride, which was unusual for us. When we got there, I took a Xanax, as I begin to feel a little anxiety after that awkward ride down and him telling me that the last time he was in this hotel was with his ex-wife. After taking Xanax, I started to have a few cocktails. He was sleeping while I was freaking out after his recent truth bomb. I mean, what do you say to that? Did I really need to know that? I thought he was over his ex. I thought I had actually met a nice guy. Someone who had their act together. I thought he had checked all the boxes on my list.

Well, he wakes up from his 2 hour nap. We start to get dressed as we had tickets for a show. Since he took a 2 hour nap, there was no time for us to get dinner. Meanwhile, he had no idea I had kept myself occupied by having cocktails during his nap. He then tells me we can eat at the show. We go downstairs, have MORE drinks, get to the show, and find out htere was no food being served there. By this time I am pretty lit, however, I do hide it well as he STILL has no idea I am drunk. I get up to use the bathroom, and I remeber I was annoyed with him, possibly because of something he said to me. I walk out of the restroom, and he tells me we are leaving. Imagine my surprise, the show had just begun. He starts walking out and I'm following him. I'm trying to figure out what I did and how can I stop this from happening. After all, I am the master manipulator. We get back to the room and he tells me to pack. I tried talking to him, but I'm not sure if I made sense as I had taken Xanax and had several cocktails on an empty stomach. I packed up my stuff and I had all I could do just to keep up with him as we walked to the car. The drive home was MISERABLE. Dead silence. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. It was the worst night of my life. All I kept thinking was what was happening. Where was that nice guy I met 4 months ago? While I admit, taking a Xanax and drinking cocktails while on an empty stomach was not one of my better ideas, I did not think it warranted this type of reaction. I did not deserve to be treated this way. The silence was deafening.

Well, to make a long story short, he dropped me off at my house. He texted me when he got home, like he usually does, and that was it. We are now in 2019, and I STILL have not heard from him... lol . Though I am sure my condition was a contributing factor in our sudden departure from AC, I am sure that was not the only reason. He just became a completely different person. With time, I've learned that there is a term when you do not hear from a person you've dated ever again, while you are under the assumption that you are still dating. That term is called ghost.

Okay, Cat is finally back!

What can we learn from this? Why do guys do this? I have no idea. Of course, to this day, it still bothers her that he ghosted her. Why? No closure. He just left and never gave her a chance to acknowledge the ending of the relationship. Her only recourse was to accept it. A tough pill to swallow. What's my take on it? That's what he wanted, that was his way of punishing her. Whether or not her actions that weekend sealed the deal, in my opinion, were irrelevant. I believe that he was angry, he was angry at his ex-wife. When he told my friend that the last time he was there was with his wife, that sealed the fate of their relationship. I believe that everything he was feeling came to a head that night. I believe that my friend represented a part of his past that he wanted to let go. Let's think about this for a minute. She attended his wedding to his ex-wife. Her ex-boyfriend was his ex-wife's best friend. To many ties to his painful past. To many reminders of his past. I believe he was angry. The last piece of this puzzle was that his ex-wife WANTED the divorce, not him. I believe my friend became his hurt locker. Which was why he ghosted her. A clean cut for him while leaving her with questions, just like when his wife told him their marriage was over.

Let's be real here, ghosting people is the really cruel. Its one-sided. Very selfish. Very final. And hopefully we can all learn something from this. The signs were there, he revealed them that night. My friend did not see them. He showed his true self that night in AC.

I hope you guys enjoyed this story.


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  • Cat Nieves

Hey Guys,

I know I have not been consistent the past 2 weeks, I've been distracted with the holidays comijng up, planning my Mom's 70th Bday party, and doing some freelance work. However, I'm BACK! Anyway, I was thinking about a topic for this week, and I kept coming back to what I would do differently given the chance. Was there anything I would change? So, I decided today's blog would be, 5 things I would tell the 30 yr old Cat. Here we go...

1) Stop being so hard on yourself for goals you created at the age of 15 and have not achieved yet. This was hard. At the age of 15, I thought for sure, I would have a thriving career, would be married, or at the very least engaged. I would be living in Manhattan, living the life somewhat similar to the cast of Friends and BH90210. That was the 15 yr old me. 49 yr old me, not married, no kids. I live in Queens. Career wise, I'm not where I want to be, however, I am good at what I do. Now, what would I tell 30 yr old me? To create goals that are easier to achieve so you can build off that. When I was a personal trainer, I would ask my clients what their goals were. And most of the time they would say the same thing, loose 40 lbs, be ripped, get as perky butt, etc..... Now, those are great goals, though, if you are not prepared to put in the time and work to achieve those goals, then it seems alomst unachievable. Those goals seems so far out of reach that you end up giving up. So, I suggest setting goals that are realistic. Something that is actually achievable within a reasonable amount of time. Achieving that sense of accomplishment is such a game changer, many people do not realize how something as simple as checking off all your things to do on your list will really make you feel good about yourself. And what happens then? You will set up aditional goals for yourself . And soon you will be moving forward vs having your wheels turn and not go anywhere...

2) Listen to your inner voice... At 30, we think we know everything. Seriously, how could we not, we have been living for 30 yrs! We survived high school. Finished college. We've had sex! WTH!!! Well, at the age of 30, we have not really lived, yet. Life was really just beginning. At 30, we think that for the past 10 yrs are the years to live it up, and after 30, its time to just exist. By exist, I mean, get married, have kids, do family things. Whatever, we were going to achieve, it should be by the age of 30 because after 30, not so much. Now, what does this have to do with your inner voice. Well, at 30, your not that confident. You think you are, but really your not. At 30, my boyfriend of 5 yrs finally got into DO school (I actually got him into the school). Anyway, I was beginning NYU. He was moving to Fla for DO school. Long distance... I was happy for him and crushed. I was not sure what that meant for us. We were together for a longtime. He was also upset, I can not pretend it was just me. That summer, we had the BEST summer and the WORST summer. I was on the fence. I wanted to talk about our future and yet I did not believe in ultimatums. My thought process was "I did not want someone to base their decision on that". I wanted a decision to come organically. I did not want an ultimatum to be in "our" story. What I did ask him IF he saw me in his future, and he said yes. And I was ecstatic! But what did that really mean? As the summer came to an end, he asked me if I would consider moving to Fla. And I thought about it. I mean, I like FLa, mostly Miami. But what would I do there? Where would I live? He never offered for me to live with him. So, what exactly was in it for me to move? Well, I said no. I stayed in NY. I would fly there every month and he would fly up as well. We did that for 2 yrs. I knew his school schedule was crazy, so I would not call as much. I texted him. When I would visit, I didn't bother him. I did my own thing. I have to assume that he got used to me not calling and being present in his life, so eventually we broke up. Of course I was devasted. I had invested so much of my life into that relationship. I thought I did everything right, and yet it still did not work out. I had been haunted for years as to what I DID WRONG. Well, I would tell 30 yr old me nothing, because I did nothing wrong. I was correct to not move to Fla. If he really wanted me, period, he would have asked me to move in with him. He would have said I can go to school in Fla, we would live together, and move forward, get engaged etc. You see, while I did listen to my inner voice, I also had so much self doubt. I questioned so many things in my life afterwards because of that one decision. And yet, I know, as I always have, that was the right decision, period.

3) What's happening now does not define you. In my 20's I made a horrible mistake. A mistake that really altered my life for years! A mistake that I could not shake. I mistake I held onto so tight, that it became a part of me. I let it define me. It took me a LONG time to let that go. How did I do that? Not through therapy. I guess with time. That old adage, time heals all wounds. It's true. As time continued on, that mistake became smaller and more difficult for me to see and feel. Eventually, I could not feel it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still think about it from time to time, however, I do not beat myself up about it. I am only human and we all make mistakes. It's what we do after the mistakes that deifne us. Did we learn from them or do we contiunue to make them? So, I would tell 30 yr old me, what happened will be such a small part, a blip, in the rest of your life. Mistakes do not define us, is what we do afterwards that does.

4) Stop putting things off. When we are younger we think we have time. There are a few quotes to confirm that. "Why do today when you can put off till tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow, tomorrow , theres always tomorrow, its only a day away".

We put things off. When you are young, you believe that there is no consequence to your decisions. You put off going to school for a semester. Whats the big deal, its only a few months. Well, I would tell 30 yr old me that life is short. We have no idea how long we have to live. Life is so precious and to waste it is a shame. Stop procrastinating. If you have an opportunity to do something, do it. If you think you have plenty of time to get to it, you are wrong. What we do not think of at 30 is that life gets in the way. As we get older, our priorities change. What we thought was important last year will not be important to us the following year.

5) A man will not complete you. Well, this is something we learn with time, through life experiences. When I was 30, this was not the case. There were movies, books, society telling me different. We've all seen Pretty Woman, While You Were Sleeping, Clueless, Jerry Macquire, She's all That, Never Been Kissed, etc. What did those movies tell us, or me? That love from a man would complete me. That the rest of the pieces of my life, like a puzzle would come together. Everything would be perfect after that. Well, unfortunately life is not like a movie. There are no big overtures of love, no orchestra playing in the background while you look into each others eyes. Even when you find love, it will not feel like what you think it should. In the movies, love conquers all. In real life, it does not. Why is that? Life gets in the way every time. So, what would I tell 30 yr old me? Expect more. Want more. Feel and believe in the fact that YOU deserve more! The gift you your love is special, no one else will get it. Believe in the fact that you should expect the same in return. However, do not expect love to change your life. Do not expect love to change circumstances. That's an unfair expectation to put on it and what you are actually doing is setting yourself up for failure. The only person who can change your circumstance is YOU. You have to be able to see, truly see what is YOUR reality and make a conscious effort to change what you do not like about it. Relying on someone else to help us will not get us there. We have to want it for ourselves. With change comes new opportunities. Some good, some not. However, without change, we would live in a world where everyday is the same and really, that is not living. That is a fear of living.

To quote a famous movie, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it." Don't be afraid to live. If you make mistakes, that's okay. We all do. It's what we take from our mistakes and move forward that will shape us into who we want to be.

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  • Cat Nieves

When I was 18, I thought women wore lingerie for their partners. I looked at lingerie as a means to an end. It was something I would put on, and 5 minutes later it would be off. Seriously, I often wondered why spend so much money on something no one will remember what you had on?

I went through my stages. White lace, black lace, satin, cotton, etc..... I wore thigh highs, garters, high heels (though I never wore stripper shoes). I didn't really enjoy the shopping experience. This of course was before the Victoria Secrets store came into play. Before Victoria Secrets stores, we often bought lingerie from Macy*s, Bloomingdales, etc.... You were looking at pretty lace bras and right next to those they had the Playtex and Olga bras displayed. Just so everyone understands, those bras are usually worn by your grandmother. lol

When I hit 40, not sure what happened but I got lazy. I was also single. So, I stopped buying pretty bras and matching panties. I started buying nice bras, Victoria Secret bras, but the body collection, more for comfort. The panties were usually on sale, whatever color it was not important.

The worst part about the this story is that I would order my undergarments online. I stopped trying it on. If I had to go to Victoria Secret, it was to return something. But why? I dunno....

Fast forward to today. As I have written before, I have lost some weight, 13 lbs to be exact. I've been working out, 5 x a week. No one told me to. I did it for myself. Funny thing is, as the weight came off, I noticed something changing with me. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I started to look at myself more. Not just my face, but my body. While it was not as fit as it once was, I am okay with that. That is reality. That is Father Time and something no one can change. Of course some will opt for plastic surgery, and that is okay. Some will opt for injectables, that's okay too. Who knows, I might go the route of injectables, but not yet. At 49, I'm okay with how I look. From my head down to my toes.

Now, some of you may ask, what does this have to do with lingerie? Thank you for asking. I believe I have previously posted that I have been trying on lingerie, and I felt great! I have decided to do a photo shoot to hopefully inspire others to do it. Now, why do I feel great? I'm still single. I feel great because I wear it for ME. I feel empowered. I LOVE how the lace feels against my skin. I feel pretty, and other times I feel SEXY. I've discovered that I do not need to be in a relationship to wear lingerie. That the purpose of lingerie was not for others, but for ourselves. It was for us to feel pampered, feel special. Now I go into the store and try on the lingerie, and lots of it! If I like it, I buy it. I take selfies in the fitting room and I love it! Lots of lace in thongs and cheekies (which are my favs), teddies, corsets, etc...

So, to answer my question, who enjoys lingerie more? ME....

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