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  • Cat Nieves

Well, this was a tough week. Why, you may ask. That's a good question. I wish I had the answer.


I've been juggling a few things the past few weeks. I've launched a website displaying some of my artwork, www.abstra-art.com. I have been working on a friend's website for the past few weeks as well. Taking my father to his eye doctor, cardiologist, vascular doctor appointments, creating content for my friend's instagram promoting his site, etc. I'm just exhausted, drained....


On Thursday, I had a conversation with a friend of mine. Talking about a bunch of different things. He spoke about a business opportunity and possibly bringing me on board. As of right now, its in the beginning stage. Fine. I said, okay, sounds good. My friend was taken back by my response. He expected more enthusiasm. I was confused. I mean, let's be real here. While it COULD be a good opportunity, as of right now, it's nothing more than talk. He wanted me to start putting out feelers. I said "for what?" He has no idea what's happening right now. It's still in its developmental stage. My response was "what is there to tell?" How can I talk about something when as of right now, that does not exist?


He could not understand my lack of enthusiasm, and we left it as we will talk later.


After that call, I felt defeated. I fell into a funk. I had no desire to do anything. My attention span was nonexistent. I tried to refocus, but to no avail. I tried watching something funny on YouTube, nothing... I tried Instagram, nothing... I was in a funk and could not get out of it.


My funk is hard to describe. I just wanted to sit in my car and do nothing. Not talk to anyone. I did not want to drive anywhere. I did not want to get up, nothing..... I almost felt like crying, but I could not find the tears. I just felt like nothing.....


Later another one of my friends called, and I told her what happened. I explained my lack of enthusiasm from earlier in the day. And she agreed with me, that really, as nice as the opportunity sounds, its just talk. There is no concrete deal. No guarantee of anything to transpire from that offer. While it was nice to have someone agree with me, I still felt nothing.


Now, what is this feeling of nothing? I think it's depression. I do suffer from it. While its not as debilitating for me as it is for others, it exists. There are times when I do not feel like getting out of bed. I literally have no desire. I just want to lay there with the covers over my head. And it's not from exhaustion. On those days, I FORCE myself out of bed. I FORCE myself to take a shower. I FORCE myself to get dressed. And I FORCE myself to function. These bouts of depression usually last for 1-3 days, then I'm back to my normal self. I'm lucky as this does not happen often. And really, I'm so good at covering no one notices. As I am writing this now, I feel a little choked up and yet my eyes are dry.


What can we learn from this? Well, for me, it helps to talk about it. Even writing about it is therapeutic. Trust me, I know we should not take depression lightly. It's a serious problem that millions of people suffer from. If you feel as though you are suffering from depression, please seek help. In this blog, I am only speaking for myself and how I feel at times. How I handle my bouts of depression works for me. I have seen a psychiatrist in the past. I have been on meds for anxiety. So, now you know my history.


All I can say is while in that moment, when I do not feel like doing anything, I do feel helpless. However, I also remind myself that this too shall pass. With each new day brings new opportunities, new encounters. That while today may suck, tomorrow will suck less.


Til next time....


Cat

  • Cat Nieves

Funny, I've never thought about the meaning of a word. Now, what do I mean by that? I mean, I always thought that words have certain meanings and that was it. Never thought much more of it. Then recently, a friend used a word, and I was standing there with an airbubble "WTF". You must be wondering what the word was. The word was "sincerely" pass it on. lol


Okay, sincerely. Now there's a word. Let's look at what it means. Sincerely means in a sincere or genuine way. How is it used? A formula used to end a letter, typically a formal one in which the recipient is addressed by name. Any surprise here? I've received letters from lawyers, banks, work, etc and they all have used the word sincerely. So, its safe to assume they all meant what they stated in the letter. But, what happens when someone uses the word for something else? Does it still mean the same?


What happens when someone uses the word in a TOTALLY different context? Instead of a business correspondence its used on a more personal level. Does it still mean the same? I mean, the definition hasn't changed. It still means in a sincere or genuine way. However, for some reason, the issue isn't the meaning of the word, but the word itself.


Like I said before, sincerely is generally used in the context of business correspondence. Fine. But on a personal level, it just falls flat. While the meaning of the word may sound special, it loses something when TD Bank signs off the same way. It doesn't matter the person's intention of being genuine. It does not and should not be used in a personal context. Anyone who think otherwise is fooling themselves, but not fooling me.


I believe if you are not ready to express something, then don't. It's not fair to assume the person on the receiving end will know exactly what it is you are trying to express. EX: You can talk about a million dollars however, if you do not specifically state that the person you are speaking to won a million dollars, how are they supposed to pick up on that?


Words are words, period. They are one dimensional. How are we supposed to see the other side? Words are nothing with meaning. Words have no meaning without the appropriate emotion. Take the word crying. People cry when they are upset. People cry when they are happy. People cry when they are relieved. If we do not see the appropriate emotion with the word, how do we know what it means?


What can you take from this? Maybe a lesson on seeing peolpe's limitations and deciding for yourself, what does it mean......


Cat



  • Cat Nieves

Okay.... this is too funny. Being ghosted. How is this a thing? Better yet, WHY is it a thing? I guess I have been fortunate to NOT have this done to me, unfortunately, for my friend, she has not been so lucky. And this is her story as she is telling her truth .....


My story begins Memorial day weekend, 2014. I was out with my friends, going to our usual spot, a nice waterfront outdoor bar with music and great ambiance. I had been MIA (missing in action) for a while. I had been insecure about my recent weight gain, so I haven't felt like my social self which was unusual as I am quite the social butterfly. The party doesn't start until I get there. That's just who I am. Anyway, back to my story...


I am on the dance flooor when my ex comes up to me to say hello. Yes, I am friendly with my ex’s, well most of them... Back to the story, when my ex walks away, I notice this tall, nice looking guy. While I am still on the dance floor, I see him edging himself closer and closer to where I am and boom there it is, he is standing right in front of me and we start talking. We were inseparable the rest of the night. The conversation was flowing. At the end of the night he drove me home, along with his friends as he was the designated driver. That night we had exchanged numbers.


His back story was that he was going through a divorce. Funny story, my ex, the one I mentioned earlier, had taken me to his best friend's wedding years ago. The groom turned out to be the guy this story is about. His ex wife was my ex's best friend. Talk about coincidence...


Moving on, he had kids, and seemed to be a good father. He was living at his sister's house temporarily while he was going through the divorce. He brought me to his sister's house to confirm his story.


Fast forward, we were dating about 4 months. We always had a great time. We had a lot in common, especially a love for 80's music. In August, he had booked a weekend in AC. On the drive down, it was weird. It was a quiet ride, which was unusual for us. When we got there, I took a Xanax, as I begin to feel a little anxiety after that awkward ride down and him telling me that the last time he was in this hotel was with his ex-wife. After taking Xanax, I started to have a few cocktails. He was sleeping while I was freaking out after his recent truth bomb. I mean, what do you say to that? Did I really need to know that? I thought he was over his ex. I thought I had actually met a nice guy. Someone who had their act together. I thought he had checked all the boxes on my list.


Well, he wakes up from his 2 hour nap. We start to get dressed as we had tickets for a show. Since he took a 2 hour nap, there was no time for us to get dinner. Meanwhile, he had no idea I had kept myself occupied by having cocktails during his nap. He then tells me we can eat at the show. We go downstairs, have MORE drinks, get to the show, and find out htere was no food being served there. By this time I am pretty lit, however, I do hide it well as he STILL has no idea I am drunk. I get up to use the bathroom, and I remeber I was annoyed with him, possibly because of something he said to me. I walk out of the restroom, and he tells me we are leaving. Imagine my surprise, the show had just begun. He starts walking out and I'm following him. I'm trying to figure out what I did and how can I stop this from happening. After all, I am the master manipulator. We get back to the room and he tells me to pack. I tried talking to him, but I'm not sure if I made sense as I had taken Xanax and had several cocktails on an empty stomach. I packed up my stuff and I had all I could do just to keep up with him as we walked to the car. The drive home was MISERABLE. Dead silence. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. It was the worst night of my life. All I kept thinking was what was happening. Where was that nice guy I met 4 months ago? While I admit, taking a Xanax and drinking cocktails while on an empty stomach was not one of my better ideas, I did not think it warranted this type of reaction. I did not deserve to be treated this way. The silence was deafening.


Well, to make a long story short, he dropped me off at my house. He texted me when he got home, like he usually does, and that was it. We are now in 2019, and I STILL have not heard from him... lol . Though I am sure my condition was a contributing factor in our sudden departure from AC, I am sure that was not the only reason. He just became a completely different person. With time, I've learned that there is a term when you do not hear from a person you've dated ever again, while you are under the assumption that you are still dating. That term is called ghost.


Okay, Cat is finally back!

What can we learn from this? Why do guys do this? I have no idea. Of course, to this day, it still bothers her that he ghosted her. Why? No closure. He just left and never gave her a chance to acknowledge the ending of the relationship. Her only recourse was to accept it. A tough pill to swallow. What's my take on it? That's what he wanted, that was his way of punishing her. Whether or not her actions that weekend sealed the deal, in my opinion, were irrelevant. I believe that he was angry, he was angry at his ex-wife. When he told my friend that the last time he was there was with his wife, that sealed the fate of their relationship. I believe that everything he was feeling came to a head that night. I believe that my friend represented a part of his past that he wanted to let go. Let's think about this for a minute. She attended his wedding to his ex-wife. Her ex-boyfriend was his ex-wife's best friend. To many ties to his painful past. To many reminders of his past. I believe he was angry. The last piece of this puzzle was that his ex-wife WANTED the divorce, not him. I believe my friend became his hurt locker. Which was why he ghosted her. A clean cut for him while leaving her with questions, just like when his wife told him their marriage was over.


Let's be real here, ghosting people is the really cruel. Its one-sided. Very selfish. Very final. And hopefully we can all learn something from this. The signs were there, he revealed them that night. My friend did not see them. He showed his true self that night in AC.


I hope you guys enjoyed this story.


Cat

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